My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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