So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just found puke in my bra..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
