His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
