and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
