would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
