Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
