My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
