a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
