Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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