tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
