Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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