I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
