WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
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maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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