covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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