I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
