i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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