I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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