Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
