On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
