thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He felt like a one man threesome
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
