so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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