best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
