he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
