I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
