Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
