Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
