I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
