escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
