I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
