very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
