I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize