She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
