And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
