filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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