Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize