so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
