You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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