This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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