ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
