So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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