She's JV to your varsity
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
