we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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