I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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