You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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