So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
