He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
