I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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