her vagine was all disorganized.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you didnt know i had herpes?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
