just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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