It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
