....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
