IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
