Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a search helicopter?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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