It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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