The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
