i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
