Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
