I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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