My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
