the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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