I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
