Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
