i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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