Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
