our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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