I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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