I forgot how hot balto sounded
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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