weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
