I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
