dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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