He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
