420 ftw
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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