So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
