I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
