I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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