This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
being pregnant is like rehab
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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