He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
