I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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