Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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