I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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